Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
