I wish I could punch you in the face.
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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