I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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