The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I FOUND THE LEGS
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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