she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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