I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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