Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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