My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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