Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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