Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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