I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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