They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
