Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
