Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
