Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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