I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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