guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
