Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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