i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
