pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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