community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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