you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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