I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
A+ Viking dick
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