booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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