well I can't set my house on fire every night
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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