So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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