the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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