my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
