Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
