I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
