I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
