ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
