GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
