Can Purell be used as lube?
I don't think brook has ever known best
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
