I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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