i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
