and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
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I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
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Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize