He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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