Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
