i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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