using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
