I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.