sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him