I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
