Texts From Last Night

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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.

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  (651): By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend. http://tfl.nu/hsj3
  Replies (14) Good night (611) Bad night (1673) Order T-Shirt
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  (631): View more from New York

  i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker

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  (631): i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker http://tfl.nu/xdfg
  Replies (16) Good night (4687) Bad night (1150)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.

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  (610): we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk. http://tfl.nu/7jhm
  Replies (10) Good night (4671) Bad night (444) Order T-Shirt
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".

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  (989): no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed". http://tfl.nu/dmqo
  Replies (16) Good night (6423) Bad night (812) Order T-Shirt
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes

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  (860): all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes http://tfl.nu/55qw
  Replies (22) Good night (2143) Bad night (4285) Order T-Shirt
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.

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  (651): She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can. http://tfl.nu/7y77
  Replies (9) Good night (3163) Bad night (870) Order T-Shirt
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.

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  (484): Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar. http://tfl.nu/31fg
  Replies (13) Good night (5859) Bad night (788) Order T-Shirt
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  I demand visitation hours with the duck.

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  (602): I demand visitation hours with the duck. http://tfl.nu/cyd2
  Replies (10) Good night (4153) Bad night (881) Order T-Shirt
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.

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  (403): oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker. http://tfl.nu/xtlj
  Replies (9) Good night (1750) Bad night (897) Order T-Shirt
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  (281): View more from Texas

  that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.

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  (281): that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms. http://tfl.nu/qnq5
  Replies (18) Good night (1746) Bad night (713)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.

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  (630): Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face. http://tfl.nu/i080
  Replies (8) Good night (487) Bad night (1156) Order T-Shirt
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  (916): View more from California

  I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.

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  (916): I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house. http://tfl.nu/a7ly
  Replies (3) Good night (1221) Bad night (530)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?

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  (704): How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic? http://tfl.nu/83e0
  Replies (6) Good night (480) Bad night (1086) Order T-Shirt
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm

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  (603): 100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm http://tfl.nu/mujv
  Replies (1) Good night (709) Bad night (173) Order T-Shirt
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!

  (1-404): View more from Georgia

  Be safe. And I hate you.

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  (404): Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND! (1-404): Be safe. And I hate you. http://tfl.nu/32xo
  Replies (3) Good night (1020) Bad night (197)

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