I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
