3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She bit a glass in half.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
