is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I am mentally ready for anal.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
