Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
