she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
There are leaves in my underwear?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
