My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
