So drunk its hurt
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
