Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
