Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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