So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
