My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
