I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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