nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
