i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You need a sexual gate keeper
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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