I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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