dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
