alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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