Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
and she was petting her beer can
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
