just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
