I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
