I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
