i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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